I recently saw an article about 36 questions you can ask someone to not only get to know them better but to also help create a sense of intimacy that might even, some experts say, help you fall in love.
The questions are based on the research of psychologist Arthur Aron. Known for his studies on intimacy in interpersonal relationships, Aron believes that the best way for people to get close is for them to share with each other. “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure,” he argues.
But anyone in a long-distance relationship knows how quickly you can get through 36 questions in a Skype call. (In fact, Aron says answering these 36 questions only takes about 45 minutes.)
Luckily, there is a new electronic book of questions based on Aron’s research — and with 1,000 questions, there’s no chance you and your long-distance man will run out of things to talk about anytime soon. Written by best-selling author and relationship expert Michael Webb, and inspired by Aron’s findings, 1000 Questions for Couples will help any couple fall in love, stay in love or grow deeper in love.
If you want the short 1000 Questions for Couples review, here is what you need to know: This book will have you and your long-distance partner talking all night long. The conversations won’t always be easy — but they will be important. If you are ready to learn something about your and your relationship, this book will set you in the right direction.
For those of you who want the long 1000 Questions for Couples review, stay tuned.
The World’s Most Romantic Man
For more than 20 years, Webb has been helping couples learn to have fulfilling and successful lifelong relationships. The author of 18 books, Webb has been featured on Oprah; in every major newspaper in the U.S.; in hundreds of magazines, including Redbook and Cosmopolitan; and on more than 500 radio shows, earning him the title of “The World’s Most Romantic Man.”
During his years in the field, he heard too many couples too many stories of long-term relationships or marriages breaking up because important things never got discussed in the early stages and caused huge issues later on. Webb writes in the e-book’s introduction: “A woman told me that after she was married for a couple of months, she found out her husband hated kids. A man wrote to me to say that he discovered several years into his marriage that his wife had been in prison.”
Webb believes that fewer couples would break up or get divorced if they knew more about their partner’s thoughts, beliefs and emotions. And the best way to get to know someone is to ask. In addition to helping couples spot red flags early in a relationship, 1000 Questions for Couples will help you and your long-distance love get to know each other better and connect on a more personal — and passionate — level.
Spicing Up Skype Calls
We all know sometimes Skype calls can get boring (trust me, I know from experience): How was your day? What was the weather like? What did you eat for dinner?
No matter where you are in your relationship — if you’re missing the great conversations you used to have, if you’re worried about the distance putting too big of a strain on your relationship, if you’re not sure he’s the right one for you, or if it’s just hard for you to share things about yourself — 1000 Questions for Couples will get you talking — and connecting — again.
Now, there are definitely questions long-distance relationship couples should be asking each other on a regular basis, such as, “How can we save money for visits” and “How can I make you feel special even when we can’t be together?”
But 1000 Questions for Couples is a great supplement to those 50 questions. Webb skips the small talk and goes straight to the heart of what matters. The questions are divided into 22 categories ranging from feelings and emotion to morals and beliefs to past and future to children and child rearing. (And don’t worry, there is a section on sex, too, one of the most important — and challenging — parts of a long-distance relationship.)
The Sharing Game
There are a few different ways you can go about tackling the 1,000 questions. If you’re in a new relationship, don’t jump to the questions on sex and marriage. Start with favorites or vacations or hobbies. “The best relationships are built on a solid friendship, so first address the questions that will help build that base,” Webb writes.
And don’t try to answer all 1,000 questions in an evening. Some couples may want to answer only five at a time. Others might want to spend a few hours each night getting to know each other better. And there’s nothing like getting a letter in the mail from your long-distance love. Maybe try answering the questions in letters and mailing them to each other (email works, too!). But the key is: Don’t skip questions, even if they are uncomfortable. Those are probably the ones you need to answer most.
“Break down that communication barrier and learn to talk about those issues with your partner,” Webb writes. “If someone is unwilling to talk about certain issues, it should throw up a flag for potential problems down the road. If you don’t think a question applies to you, ask it anyway. Your partner might have some interesting thoughts on the matter.”
There are a few things Webb recommends keeping in mind, such as realizing that your answers to these questions will change over time. Keep an open mind, and revisit these questions every five years.
Getting To Know You
My husband and I have been married for years, and there are still things I don’t know about him. So we decided to see what we could find out about ourselves and our relationship. Here are some of our favorite questions that really got us talking:
- What are you most fearful of? How does that fear keep you from doing things you would like to do?
- If you and your mate purchased a pet and later split up, how do you think you would decide who got the pet?
- Would you want your spouse to talk with you first before they dramatically changed their hairstyle or facial hair?
- Have you ever suffered from depression (not just feeling blue, but a feeling of extreme sadness that leaves you nearly paralyzed)? If so, what brought these feelings on, how long did the depression last and what therapies worked for you?
- Have you been abused in any way – sexually, emotionally, or physically? Do you still have emotional scars from it? Have you ever counseled about it?
- What are your thoughts on separate vacations? If we had limited income and different travel priorities, do you think we should take vacations without each other every once in awhile?
- Are you listed as an organ donor on your driver’s license for when you die? Would you like for your organs to be donated?
- Tell me about the biggest lie you’ve ever told? Why did you tell it and how did you feel afterward?
- How important is religion when deciding to seriously date someone? What religious differences would cause you serious doubts about a long-term relationship?
- In what ways does our relationship help and/or hinder the achievement of your goals?
- Do you think we should spend certain holidays with certain families or would you like to spend holidays alone (and with any kids we might have) for a change?
- If you could build a vacation home anywhere in the world, where would you build it?
- If you had to take a paid sabbatical and couldn’t work for an entire year, what would you most like to do?
- What things have I done that make you question whether or not I love you?
- What family traditions did you have growing up? Would you want your children to continue them?
- What does my body language tell you sometimes, even though I’m not talking?
- Do you think you could ever give up your current life and move halfway around the world for someone you love or for a perfect job?
- If your great uncle left you $100,000 in his will with the stipulation that you had to invest it for 15 years before you could touch it, what would you do with the money? Be as specific as possible.
- What do you think is the secret behind couples that have been happily married for over 30 years?
- At this stage in your life, do you think you would prefer having children or being child-free? Do you think your feelings might change?
- Do you think a woman should take a man last name? Why or why not? How about hyphenated last names? Would the man consider a hyphenated last name too?
- Do you think that one should mainly focus on pleasing themselves during sex or pleasing their partner? Why?
Webb’s 1000 Questions for Couples is a great resource for couples who are new to long-distance relationships and those who have been waiting for years to close the gap. When my husband and I worked our way through the questions, some drew us closer together, and others showed us areas where our relationship needed improvement. I highly recommend working through the 1000 Questions for Couples e-book with your long-distance partner.
When you order the e-book online (it’s not available in stores), you also receive a free 300-day email course. Every day, you and your long-distance love will receive three of five questions in your inbox. It’s perfect for long-distance couples because, depending on your schedules, you can either answer the questions via email or share your responses via Skype.
Plus, as a bonus, when you order 1000 Questions for Couples, you’ll also receive the 101 Romantic Ideas and The Newlyweds Guide To a Happy Marriage. Even couples who aren’t married will benefit from learning how to build an unshakable foundation for your relationships and how you can be happy even when things aren’t perfect.
The 1000 Questions for Couples e-book and course are $67, but it comes with a money-back guarantee. If you and your long-distance love feel like your expectations were not met, send the book back for a full refund — no questions asked.
The verdict in my 1000 Questions for Couples review: This book is a great resource for couples in long-distance relationships. Hopefully, the questions will draw you two closer together. However, if some of your man’s answers leave you questioning your relationship, I think that’s a good thing, too. It might even save you from marrying the wrong guy. Plus, with a money-back guarantee, what’s not to love. Take your relationship to the next level, or get your money back.