When we fall in love with someone, we take a risk of being broken and hurt. We put trust in them, and we want to be with them—no matter what people say about them. They are perfect, and every flaw they have seems irrelevant. It feels like they are beautiful creatures sent from heaven to help us through living the hell.
That is when we start to make the commitment to stay with them no matter what, to make them happy on their worst days and to trust them when no one else does. That’s when a relationship begins.
But how do we know when to start a long distance relationship? When do we know that we should take the big risk of losing them by having them? Especially given the commitments that need to be considered when you add distance to the contract. Being in a relationship with someone who lives miles away means we take double the risk of being hurt and deceived.
But this not about how to never be hurt in a relationship. When you are in a relationship, you have to be ready to be hurt and disappointed. Here are four signs that that person is worth the risk.
Talking with this one person every day, this person who makes yourself feel jiggly happy, makes you think that maybe this one person is worth to try. But stop right there! Don't say yes when that person asks you out. Don't just trust him (or her) because they said you are the one. You need to have deeper connections than just texting or calling every day. You need to make sure you and that person are on the same boat before you can be sure they're worth the distance.
Do you ever talk seriously about you two? Have they ever mentioned that they will work as hard as you to make whatever you will have in future work? If you have, then you can recall how serious they take you before you say yes. Before you plan visits and homecomings, you need to know, in detail, that the person you are going to be with has the same view of the next step in your relationship. Yes, you can take the risk and just let yourself be happy.
Yes, you can take the risk and just let your happy self decide, but you have to remember distance changes people. Over time, the needs, the hunger and the temptations change them. Don't waste your time with someone who does not take you seriously and thinks that it is OK to fool around. No, honey, you are worth more!
Being miles away from someone you love means you have to work hard on being with them, whether in person or over the phone. For those who are just hours away, hopping on a domestic flight or driving to see the loved one is easy. For those who live in different continents, it means sleepless nights and staying up late just to let them know you are always going to be there.
If you ever wonder whether the other person feels the same way as you feel, you need to take a look at how they try to meet your needs of them. Is it always you that is staying up late and making the phone call? Or is it your turn this week and his next week? Talking about the plans or just setting the goals doesn't mean that the person is worth the risk. They need to work along with you to make the relationship work. A relationship takes two people. Do not work hard for those who don't even try.
When you are in love, everything in this world seems irrelevant. Your loved one is everything your life is about. You have the unrealistic dreams to be with them. You suddenly only think about them. You risk throwing away your dreams and instead of working toward them. Stop! It is not healthy.
You need to be realistic and open-minded. If the person you are going to be with keeps talking sweetly about working for being with you, you need to see if the plans are realistic. Don't just fall for any sweet-talks traps. Long-distance relationships are not a game. They take a real commitment that involves feelings and time. Look again: Does that person really want to be with you?
Give some time to get to know the person. See if the person is worth the trust and love that you will put int the relationship. Honey, I know how beautiful it is to work so hard just to be with someone. Getting to know their lives, their friends and how they really are in a relationship will give you more insights to decide whether you should try or not.
The right person will make you think that you should instead of making a question mark inside your head about should you give it a try or not. When you have doubts, trust your gut. The right person will give you the vibe to make you choose them instead of making you thinking twice to be with them.
Once again, even if the person has all of these attributes, they will still likely hurt you or disappoint you at some point. All relationships are a learning process. It's OK to be hurt, but it is wiser to have your walls built up before it is torn.
What makes you so sure to take the risk and be starting a long distance relationship a friend?
Astary lives in Jakarta, Indonesia, and recently graduated with a bachelor of economics. She writes about her long-distance love on her website, astaryadya.blogspot.com.
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