Have you ever been in a situation where you are really feeling all the feelings in the world, but you just can’t let them out because you are afraid you’ll be judged or that your feelings will hurt somebody else’s? I’m sure you have, at some point in your life. An LDR poses a bigger ”risk” for one’s feelings going unexpressed, or masked under happiness or another positive emotion. How do you express your true feelings in an LDR without hurting your significant other then?
It’s important for your own health to be truthful about what you’re feeling. Letting emotions such as anger or sadness pile up underneath can have a rather negative effect on you. This can project into your relationship and make matters much, much worse than you originally thought they could even get. When you collect emotions without letting them out, you risk burning out and just having a breakdown at the most inconvenient moment. We don’t want that as human beings, but often times, we are also too scared to express our feelings truthfully when we are feeling them, without hiding and denying them.
Being open should be a crucial part of any relationship, but it’s especially important in a long distance relationship. I always put an emphasis on this in all of my articles because it is that important, at least to me personally. However, I understand that it can be hard to be open with someone. Openness is very intimate; it can take a while before you actually trust someone, especially in the beginning of the relationship, or if you’re coming from rather traumatic grounds. I’m going to try to help you out with this.
First, get to know your S.O. very well. Often this takes a trip to see them or for them to see you, but it is so worth it. Get to know their quirks, understand where they’re coming from and discuss topics to see if you’re on the same level. Accept their flaws, and let them accept yours. It’s important that you do everything in your power to stop doubting their love for you! If this is especially hard for you, seek guidance and professional help. There’s no shame in seeking help from a psychologist or a therapist if you have issues with accepting love, for instance. They’ve gone through years of training to help you out.
After you’ve found out that you can trust your partner, start opening up slowly. We all have things that we find really hard to share with other people, you don’t have to start with those. You can share little bits and pieces: what made you anxious/happy/sad today, why you love that particular mug so much or why you fear heights so much. You can gradually get deeper and deeper, while being aware of your own level of comfortability. Always explain to your partner that opening up is hard for you, they should understand it. If they’re trying to hurry you into anything, discuss it. If they’re not listening to what you have to say, it might be time to re-evaluate your relationship with them.
I hope this article was helpful to you! Remember that we are only human and can’t always be perfect. Being forgiving (with limits, of course) you can lead a happier life and keep your relationship thriving. May your October go unmasked as far as feelings go.
How do you show your partner your feelings without hurting them? What do you do if you do end up hurting them?
Anna is a bibliophile and soon-to-be English student originally from Finland but moving to Scotland in autumn 2016. Her movie-loving boyfriend lives in California, and they’ve been successfully dating since 2013.
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