Every relationship usually progresses with different stages. Normally, it will start with honeymoon period. This is when the relationship is new and the couple is just trying to enjoy the chemistry between them. However, there must come a time when the honeymoon period is over and there are more serious issues to settle with your partner. Although every relationship is different, it is normal for this period to happen after the two of you have started to develop more feelings towards each other and the relationship has progressed with a stronger connection.
Only then, things will start to matter more to you. This is usually when making decisions tend to be harder because there are just so much to consider and simply because you care more.
Obviously, making difficult decisions are harder when you are in a long-distance relationship. In this post, I will share some things to consider before you make difficult decisions with your partner, specifically in the context of closing the distance.
- Common future goals. Before anything, it is very important for the two of you to have common future goals. This should include aligning on your personal goals. I believe it is a necessary step before you discuss your common future goals. After all, you would not want to pursue goals in different directions, would you?
- Current Activities. Sometimes, many long distance couples live a distinct life and have very different daily activities. For example, you might still be in school while your significant other is in the Military. Even though you have a similar daily life to your partner, sometimes it can mean a different way of life. In my case, although both me and my partner are working full time, we both have different working hours as my work requires me to travel a lot while his work is more steady
- Lifestyle and Values. Every couple comes from a different background, as they were raised by different families. Before you decided to close the distance, I would advise you to carefully analyse both of your lifestyles and values of life. Have a good think about it, understand yourself completely, and then discuss it with you significant other. Only after having this kind of discussion I was sure that I want to close the distance with my partner because I was sure that our lifestyle and values match perfectly
- Culture. Most long – distance couples perhaps come from a different culture. For example, my partner is from the US while I am Asian. There are a lot of cultural differences that we had to tackle in order to get a common view of our decision to close the distance.
- Expectations. Expectations can be a tricky thing; don’t you agree? One key success of having a successful relationship is to manage your expectations. Before you engage in a serious conversation which requires you to make a rather difficult decision, make sure that you don’t set a high expectation towards anything. I cannot express how important it is to manage your expectations because I had to learn it the hard way and had to face disappointment. Lucky we were able to grow out of it, but don’t make my mistake
- Honesty. As you know, successful relationships, especially the ones with distance involved, requires a healthy communication. In this case, you should be able to open yourself to your partner. Be honest and open. Don’t shy away your true feelings. Your partner must want to know the true you, and whatever that you have in mind. Of course, this works both ways. It is important for you to ensure that your partner is being honest with you. Only then you both can progress in making the difficult decision
- Finances. Discussing finances is not a pleasant thing to do. If I could, I would rather not talk about it. Perhaps this is influenced by my Asian culture, where we tend to be more reserved in discussing delicate things like finances. However, I did not have a choice as my partner and I had started to discuss our future. In order to make closing the distance a reality for us, we had to discuss our current state of finances. It was necessary in our case because closing the distance means there are some fees that we have to pay. It may not be the case for in your relationship, but I believe it is always a good thing to consider.
- Moving. All of discussions and consideration will eventually come down to one point. I like to call it the big question. Who will make the move? For some couples, the question might be easy to answer. You may have decided early on about who will make the big move to close the distance in your relationship. However, for some couples, the question might not be that easy to answer.
At this point, I have shared my thoughts and experiences about the things that my partner and I considered before making a decision about closing the distance. It was not easy, especially when we had to decide who should make the big move in our relationship. However, we found that considering these 8 points really helped us in deciding. Now I hope that it can help you too.
As always, I would love to hear your own experiences! Do share them in the comment box below!