As a LDR couple, jealousy is not foreign for me. I must admit that I get jealous sometimes. In fact, we all know jealousy is usually good in a relationship because it shows that there are affections involved. However, we also know that too much jealousy will end up badly! So, how do we stop ourselves from feeling jealous, especially in our long-distance relationship?
7 Tips to Overcome Jealousy
- Understand yourself clearly - I believe it is crucial to have a clear understanding of our identity, including the things we want, before engaging ourselves in a grown-up, committed relationship. Especially with distance involved! Without knowing who we truly are, we will be so easily affected by insecurities if something is going exactly how we want it to be. Insecurities will then lead to jealousy, and in a long distance relationship, it often acts as the start of bigger problems. By having a clear understanding of yourself, you will leave little room for insecurities and therefore will stop yourself from feeling overly jealous.
- Get rid of the (bad) past - I know it is not the easiest thing to do, but trust me it feels a lot better once you successfully ditch all the bad memories that you have. I used to feel insecure because I was once betrayed by an ex-boyfriend of mine. Even though I had a gap period between the unfortunate event and starting another relationship, I still can’t help but feeling insecure. As I said it before, insecurity lead to jealousy and it took me a while to finally get rid all of my bad memories, and stop the past from haunting me. Afterwards, jealousy is not a big issue for me anymore.
- Trust your partner - Trust is very important in a long-distance relationship. I mean, you rarely be with each other in person so the best you can do is to have 100% trust on your partner. That way, you will feel secure and let your partner to do things without you and not spend 24 hours of his/her time in front of the computer talking to you! Without trust, it is going to be hard to maintain a jealousy-free long distance relationship.
- Don’t exaggerate - In my experience, most times the things that made me jealous were things that only happened in my mind. There was one time when my partner said he was going to a friend’s party, and I had never heard of this friend before. Without me realizing, my mind has started to think of various scenes of him being in that party, and it drove me crazy. Lucky that I was still able to control myself so we did not end up having a bad argument, but over time I realize that most of the things that made me jealous only happened in my mind, with exaggeration.
- Find out why you are feeling jealous - Sometimes, jealousy can still arise even when you think you have yourself under control. If this happens, it’s time to sit down and think carefully of the reasons that make you feel jealous at the first place. Find out what exactly bothers your mind, try to untangle the issues or any thoughts that you may have. Don’t be surprised if there is more than one answer to the question. Keep going until you finally have the answer to the question. Only then, you can find the best solution and get rid of the jealousy.
- Be open and honest with each other - Apart from trust, honesty is another key in a long-distance relationship. It is important that both parties are honest, so there will be no room for suspicion, or even jealousy. Without honesty, it is hard to maintain a jealousy-free relationship because there is always potential for suspicion. Be open to your partner, tell him/her your daily stories, your thoughts, even your deepest secrets. Honesty will also make you bond closer as partners, and will create a healthy relationship.
- Talk about it - Don’t be shy to talk about your jealousy with your partner. Be honest, and explain everything that you are feeling. However, don’t accuse your partner and don’t have a conversation clouded with emotions. That would only make it worse, trust me. Admit that you feel jealous, ask your partner for their thoughts, and decide how to overcome the issue permanently together.One other good thing is also to talk about it with your support system, let’s say your family or friends. That way you can get an objective view and they can also help you to get the facts straight.
So, that’s about it. I hope the seven tips can be useful for you and can help you to overcome long distance relationship jealousy. Remember, although jealous thoughts are a sign of love, don’t let it be a continuous problem for your relationship.