Life After Closing the Distance

I'm back with another episode of Survive LDR Podcast and I have two special guests for this episode. Meet Charlotte and Haydn, a couple from the United Kingdom. Charlotte is the blogger behind CharlieStar blog where she writes about lifestyle, beauty, and also LDR stories. Charlotte and Haydn were in a long-distance relationship but they now have closed the distance! 

In fact, this podcast is about how to navigate through life after closing the distance. Here are some things that you can expect after closing the distance based on Charlotte and Haydn's experience: 

- Be ready to have another "LDR" with your family and friends back home

- There will always be challenges in terms of living together with another person, especially if you are an international couple coming from two different backgrounds 

- Keep your own personal lives, have your own friends and activities. 

Ready to find out more? Head over to our Podcast page or listen to the episode here! I hope you have been enjoying our Podcast episodes and do let me know if there are other topics that you want me to cover. And if you want to connect with Charlotte and Haydn, do follow their Instagram and Blog. 

Amanda:  00:00  Hello, I am Amanda and you are listening to survive LDR podcast. This podcast is about how couples survived their long distance relationships. Each episode I'm going to talk with LDR couples from around the world about their stories and experiences. Let's get started.

Amanda: 00:29  We have two special guests today, a lovely couple. They live in England, and they recently closed the distance. How interesting! I'm sure they have a lot to share, so let's get on to it. Hi Charlotte and Haydn. How are you?

Charlotte: 00:47 Hi, I'm good. Thank you.

Haydn: 00:49  Hi.

Amanda: 00:50 So it's lovely to hear from you. Thank you for agreeing to be a part of this special project. Before we get started. MMM. Can you tell me more about yourself?

Charlotte: 01:02 So I'm Charlotte. I, we both from the UK but I'm from down south. Um, and um, we launched, just started university in my first year, so I'm still studying.

Haydn:  01:19  Umm.. and I left school to just start working.

Amanda: 01:19 So, um, I noticed that you said you're from the down south and I think that's Charlotte. What about Haydn?

Haydn:  01:28 Uh, I live up north.

Amanda: 01:30 Oh, okay. So, um, you used to live separately, but now I believe that your not anymore.

Charlotte:  01:39 Yeah, so we moved in together. I moved up north to be with Haydn in July of this year.

Amanda:  01:45 Oh, that's nice.

Charlotte: 01:46 Yeah. So we've been living together just over five, roughly five months now.

Amanda: 01:51 Wow. That's nice. Well, we're going to talk more about your long distance relationship and you know, life after closing the distance. I'm sure it will be very beneficial for our, our listeners and other LDR couples out there, but first, uh, I'm curious. So how did you two meet? I mean one from down south, one from up north. Yeah. How did you two meet?

Charlotte:  02:16 It's kind of like a weird story. I still have had online friends from Haydn's area anyway and we used to games together and stuff like that. And then I Skype with some of those people and one day they asked if I wanted to join a group call with some more of their friends. I said yes. And then Haydn was one of the people in that group. Cool. So we got talking through a Skype group basically, oh, so yeah, that was back in, uh, 2016. Wow. Okay. Yeah, I'm sorry. Oh yeah. We met in person in 2016 but we started talking, um, summer of 2015.

Amanda: 02:59 Oh Wow. So you had, you had, um, quite a while talking online before you met each other in person?

Charlotte:  03:07  Yeah, around seven months.

Amanda: 03:09 Oh. And then after you met each other in person, you decided to just be together despite the distance?

Charlotte:  03:18 Yeah, we basically, when we first met, it was kind of like, we weren't already in a relationship before. We kind of knew that that's what we are both wanting. And since we'd already met once we kind of talked about how we are going to make it work and if it was something that we're both willing to kind of do, and I think we agreed pretty quickly. We became more of like an official couple during that first visit.

Amanda: 03:41 Oh, well I guess when, you know, you just know, right. That's what they say. So, um, what, um, are the best things about being a long distance relationship? I know, um, it's hard. I know it's not for everyone. We've seen all the articles, you know, warning us about how hard it will be, uh, how LDR is hard and what not. But, here you are, I mean, you made it. MMM. You overcome it. So what do you think are the best things about, uh, because you know, we always have to find a silver lining in every situation, right? We can't always see, you know, we can't always see the negativity, but so yeah,

Charlotte: 04:29 Uh, so the benefit is depending on the type of relationship. Well for us travel isn't really a great benefit. We didn't get much of that because we both live in the UK. But I guess a more international couple traveling is definitely a benefit. The skills we built together. As a couple. I also think Haydn and I learned a lot about each other, our communication, um, that like kind of extra level of communication that you have to have to make a long distance relationship. Oh, they're like, now that we live together, we've kind of, we built on those skills and I'm feel like we're stronger because of that.

Amanda: 05:04 Oh, that's good. That's good.

Charlotte: 05:06 Yeah.

Amanda:  05:07 So, um, traveling. It's definitely a plus. And your communication skills as well. Now, MMM. I'm curious, do you, both you and Haydn, um, about your point of views? So basically what make you stick together despite the distance? I know you mentioned a little bit about communication and all that. So can we hear from both sides now?

Haydn:  05:47 Ummm.. I'll just say it was just worthwhile, that feeling when you were together, it was just worth it

Amanda:  05:51 Oh yes, yes. Interesting.

Charlotte: 05:55 Yeah, I guess I agree with that. I was kind of like, we'd always do looking forward to the next time we see each other. So it kind of made the relationship more fun and exciting because sometimes we didn't know like how long it was gonna be or like stuff like that. And even though I've seen that does have the negative sides, I don't know, it was always worth it in the end. So I guess that kind of mentality kept us going when it was more difficult.

Amanda:  06:18 That's good. So, um, you were in a relationship, long distance relationship for two years, I guess.

Charlotte:   06:30 Yeah, just over three years.

Amanda:   06:32 So, um, any major challenges that you face during that? Uh, what's the biggest like challenge that you face when, when you were in a long distance relationship and how did you overcome them?

Haydn:   06:49  Probably just finding the time to see each other.

Charlotte:  07:05 Yeah, I know. So, like I say, you was saying when he started working, our timetable suddenly changed quite a lot because I was still studying so I had a lot of school laugh. I would just kind of want to be in, want to go up and see Hayden. But he'd be at work. So that was some as well. Oh like the summers when we watch together that I went up and Hayden was still working Monday to Friday. So we just kind of have the evenings together. But I guess it was kind of cool. Otherwise if I've kind of stayed in Bournemouth, I don't know how much time you would have got to see each other. So we're kind of sitting around his schedule more than mine.

Amanda:  07:42 Well yeah, I can't imagine scheduling must be, must be a challenge, especially when the two of you have different, you know, are in a different position in life. One is studying, one is working so, but hey, you're here now and you overcome them. Any tips that you want the share? MMM, for other couples in terms of scheduling. Like how, cause I can't even, you know, there are a lot of other couples who might be struggling with adjusting to each other's schedules as well.

Charlotte: 08:17 We kind of had like a unspoken rule that we didn't want to end, uh, current visit without having the next one planned. So we'd always kind of know how many days or weeks or months. So I guess a tip would to be like, as much as it's kind of when you are together, you want to just spend all that time doing things, try and have some downtime where you can for your schedules and decide like when it's best or when there's a holiday coming up, then you can make time to see each other. And so that you never kind of just wondering when you're going to see each other, you kind of already know how it went down.

Amanda:  08:51 Oh, that's a good one. So always plan ahead no matter how hard it is, but before the end of, uh, okay. Oh yeah. Oh that's good. That's good. Actually. I mean, that's something that, um, some of us maybe didn't think about it before. Like, you know, I can imagine some couples maybe doing it, just having, having it all flowing, but actually having a plan and stick to it. It's a good one.

Charlotte:  09:30 I guess it was easy for us because we do live in the same country, so we don't have to consider, say, traveling, getting on a flight to the States or Australia or wherever. So for couples that are in international relationships it's easier to just kind of look forward to the next visit. If you can think of two visits ahead, or three visits ahead, I definitely think that makes it easier on you both.

Amanda:  09:57 Oh yeah. Yeah, I think so too. So if you're listening, don't forget to plan ahead. Don't close each visit without planning for the next one. Right now let's talk about your life now with, you know, your LDR are in the past, you know, you've succeeded, you've been through it all. So how's life after LDR guys? Anyway, congratulations for closing the distance. I hope. Yeah, I hope it's all just going to be, you know, more wonderful moving forward. So, um, I'm curious actually, um, so you, you said that you moved up north now, so how did you cope with moving? I know moving to where even though you're in the same country, but I'm sure it's not, uh, it's not making it easier still because at the end of the day moving it's always hard. Right. So what are the tips?

Charlotte:   11:18   I moved just about like 5 in a half hours from my hometown. Before we kind of have a plan I guess. Like when I was in a long distance relationship with Hayden, I'm now kind of in a long distance relationship with my family. Yes. In similar ways. I skyped them and chat with them regularly and try to make time for them again when I'm going to be seeing them that Oh, kind of makes it a little bit easier to manage.

Amanda:  12:12  Oh yeah, you're right. You're right. So it's just basically doing the, uh, the things that you did in your long distance relationship with Haydn, but now just with your family and maybe other people that you love back home, right?

Charlotte:  12:26 Exactly, it's kind of just because you'll see I did move, it means that I'm leaving other people behind. Again, it's going to be the element of long distance in some form or another way either with Haydn or family or friends. So kind of the skills that I learned while being with Haydn, I kind of just applied them now too. Keeping the relationships with my friends and family a lot stronger.

Amanda:  12:56 That's good. That's good to hear. Yeah. So, um, awesome. So you've been, you said you moved in together since July, so it's only been like six months. Yeah. Five, six months now. Yes. What are the most surprising facts that you found in your relationship or even, but what's each other after closing the distance? Cause I know I can only imagine being in the long distance, I mean being in a relationship, uh, with distance and without distance involved must be very different.

Charlotte:  13:31 Right. And I think the expectations we had before we moved in, are definitely different to the reality anyways. Like obviously we do have a lot more time to give but you still both have lives and personal lives away from each other. So we still do factoring time together. Like Haydn's quite busy with the gym. Y I'm at Uni obviously. How I, okay. I joined the society at Uni so we both have like stuff going on in the weekdays so we can, we always tried to plan an event or something that we're going to do together to kind of, not necessarily like a date but something that means we'll get to spend time together. Just the two of us, which is always quite a nice thing to do.

Amanda:  14:16 Oh yeah. What about you Haydn? What do you think? What's the most surprising things that you found?

Haydn: 14:23  Hmm. Probably just like little things that I think anybody faces when they move in together. Certain personality traits that you help the other people know, like doing a little bit differently but nothing relationship breaking.

Amanda: 14:39 Oh, that's good. That's good. Well, mmm. At least now that you, you get more time to spend together. I think from what you, um, for what Charlotte said, I think it's important too. Also keep a time for yourself, you know, doing that, your own activities. Right. So you don't always have to be together everywhere. You know, like you said, Haydn has his gym and you have your organization and your school activities. So that's, that's a good tip I think.

Charlotte:  15:13  Because you don't want to be like, as nice as it is to be together all the time. We don't want to become completely codependent. Not really like, I don't personally think that's a healthy relationship.

Amanda:  15:26  Yes.

Charlotte: 15:27  Like I, I guess it does vary on the type of relationship people that you are in the relationship, but Haydn and I we definitely like to have our own space, doing things that don't necessarily involve the other person.

Amanda:  15:39 Yes, yes. Well, yeah. Like you said, it might be different from other couples and you know, mmm. Different things work for different couples I believe. But as for you guys, you think it's important to still keep a little distance from each other.

Charlotte: 15:59  We both have our own friendships, like I have friends on Hayden's friends and vice versa. We don't want our entire lives to become like an overlapping .

Amanda:  16:11 Yes, yes. Well that's good. MMM. So that's the good parts, about, um, closing the distance and sharing a life together. Yeah. But what about the challenges? Any challenges that you face now that you close the distance? I'm sure it must be different. Then the challenges that you face when you are, when you were still in a long distance relationship?

Charlotte: 16:35  Yeah. I guess hidden kind of touched on, everybody does things slightly differently. I'm quiet, clean, positive and like things to be very organized. Whereas Haydn is quite happy to be more lots about it and sometimes we clash because of that. So I guess that's kind of a challenge, like an ongoing challenge trying to find like a middle ground and figure that out.

Amanda:   16:58  Oh, but that's just normal. I mean everybody does that. At the end of the day you are two different person trying to, you know yeah. Trying to blend in and share a life together. Right?

Charlotte:  17:10 Yeah. I guess we're from the same culture. But I guess culture can make a big difference as well if you move abroad or somewhere else it will be completely different. So international couples needs to be more considerate of stuff like that.

Amanda: 17:24  Yes. Again, if you have listening, um, and you're an international couple, well, just be ready.

Charlotte:  17:38 I always thought that I knew everything I could as possibly know about Haydn. And then we moved in together and I'm learning things about him. It's my way of life I suppose. So you can never know. Yeah. Before you close it.

Amanda: 17:55  Yes. At the end of the day it's all worth it. Despite the challenges despite having, despite having to move or even finding your partner's quirks or anything, it's all worth it.

Amanda: 18:21  Well, well, mmm. Any advice that you can share with other LDR couples because I mean your stories are very inspiring I have to say because not even though you said you mentioned a lot that from the same country, but it's still hard. I mean, and today's world, nobody, even couples who are in the same proximity. You know, we've seen how many couples fail to keep, their relationships are close, so. And you are here closing the distance already, so that's good. And what advice can you share with other LDR couples who are listening?

Charlotte: 19:06  It depends on the type of people you are, and I don't know the way your relationship works, but when we were on long distance, this is one of the things that we tried to do was as well as making time for each other and making time for ourselves and remembering that we don't always have to be completely involved in the other's lives to still be in a romantic relationship. I know that some people think that to know like everything can, every single aspect of everyone's lives, but sometimes it's not necessarily a secret, but it's okay to do things and then not report every moment of the day back to each other. Like, I don't know. It's kind of hard to explain. I don't really know if I'm wording it very well. I guess. Well, I mean is that it's important for you to have your own social life and friendships that you're not just always putting like your partners. So sometimes if your friends asked you to do things that can be really easy to say, oh no, you want to go home and Skype, but that it's a kind of help that social with your friends rather than just spending all day everyday just on Skype because friendships are as important as relationship in my opinion.

Amanda: 20:12 I agree. I agree. So well I guess, uh, one of, can I say that one of your success factors are actually having time apart then just um, you know, I know that you have already applied with the distance, but even still, even still, you still manage to have, you know, like you said, keep a relationship with your friends, do your hobbies, activities. So that's good. Think that can be really a good reminder for other couples out there. Yes. Sometimes we're so into our relationship we're, so trying to make it work until we forget, to live our own life. And unfortunately that might be a reason why LDRs failed. Right? 

Charlotte:  21:06  Of course it's nice to be a little bit codependent and I think that the Haydn and I, when we were in a long distance relationship, one of the things that helped me a lot was to actually talk to other people that might not necessarily be in a long distance relationship because even though they don't understand that it's kind of difficult for them to sympathize with you. They often have a different look on it and approach to it, which can sometimes be really interesting.

Amanda:  21:40 That's a good one. That's a good one. So what about you Haydn, I mean from a men's point of view, What can you share? Maybe someone who is listening to them. This podcast can share it to their partner as well. Or maybe there's a guy who's listening to this podcast as well.

Haydn:  22:08 I probably say, when you know, you know. If you feel like it's worth it. Then you'll figure out ways to, just sort of keep going. This is the right thing to be doing rather than to spend so many hours traveling every time you want to see your partner. If it's the right person you will make it work.

Amanda: 22:29  Oh well wow. That's a good one. I guess. You know, even by talking to you, I can already, I can see the differences between a girls and, you know, a woman's mindset, and a men's one. Cause we like plan ahead. You know, we like to think thing, but then he, uh, the men, they just, when you know, you know, and you stick to it, you commit to it, you do whatever it takes. You make it work. Yeah. Everything happens for a reason. Oh Wow. But he know, he knew from the very get go and then he committed. I think that's good. Well that's just one of the, you know, that's what makes your relationship interesting I guess. So the different um, different mindset and all of that I guess. I'm sure other couples will. Oh, we'll have that kind of thing as well. So, um, well with when, at the end of our conversation it's been lovely to chat with you both. Yeah. And before we go, anything that you want to add on, anything that you want to share with our LDR community?

Amanda:   23:58  Okay. So before we go, can our listeners connect with you?

Charlotte:  24:09  We have an instagram account that we still run. Well I say we, but it's mostly run by me. It's @lifeafterdistance.

Amanda:  24:09  So Instagram. Okay. Their Instagram, if you want see their life after closing the distance you want to get inspired by their, um, their story, you can follow them on Instagram. at Life after distance. Yeah. Okay. And what about your blog? I, we mentioned about your blog, but we have not really talk much about it.

Charlotte:   24:44 Yes. My blog is charliestarblogs.com. It's kind of a mixed, it's just not necessarily long distance stuff, it's lifestyle and beauty as well. But I do post long distance stuff sometimes, less frequently.

Amanda:  25:01  So if you're interested to read more about, uh, their stories or something in terms of beauty and lifestyle do follow, uh, it's charliestarblogs.com and I will also link, um, their blog and their Instagram on the post so you can click them later. Yeah. Well it's been lovely to chat with you, Charlotte and Haydn, thank you so much for again, agreeing to be part of this project, you know, to share your stories and advice for LDR couples, I wish you the best in your mmm new life together in whatever that you do, your school, your work. And your relationship in general and have a good weekend. Thank you. Yeah, and we'll see you in another episode of survive LDR podcasts. Bye Bye.

More Podcast Episodes:
- Episode 1
- Episode 2