In this second episode of Survive LDR Podcast, I talked with Jacqui from Germany. She is the writer behind the Mermaidery Blog and she is in a long-distance relationship with her fiance Tanner from America. Despite the distance, they have managed to survive and ready to close the distance soon!
We had a great conversation and Jacqui shared a couple of tips on how to make a long-distance relationship work. Some of her tips are:
- You both need to be 100% in the relationship
- It is important to build trust for each other
- Always keep a plan, know where you want to go with this relationship
Well I am not going to list everything in this post, instead I want to invite you to listen to the Podcast here. If you have any questions, feel free to contact Jacqui directly through her blog and Instagram. I hope you enjoy the Podcast!
Amanda: 00:00 Hello, I am Amanda and you are listening to survive LDR podcast. This podcast is about how couples, survive their long distance relationships. Each episode I'm going to talk with LDR couples from around the world about their stories and experiences. Let's get started! Our guest today comes from Germany and she's now engaged with her American fiance. They have been in a long distance relationship for one year now, so I'm not going to speak much and we'll just let her introduce herself and let her tell her story. Hi Jacqui. How are you?
Jacqui: 00:46 Hi! Thank you for your invitation. I'm Jacqui and I'm 23 years old From Germany. I'm a travel agent. Also, I love traveling and exploring, being in nature and all that stuff. But the most interesting fact about me for you guys is that I am engaged to an American! Yeah my fiance is Tanner, he's 24 years old and he lives in Salt Lake City, Utah. MMM. Yeah.
Amanda: 01:27 Oh, I can only imagine the distance between Germany, America. And having been in a long distance relationship or over one year, it's not easy. I can imagine. Yeah. So how did you two meet?
Jacqui: 01:51 MMM. We met in my German high school. Oh yeah. I was 17, he was 18 years old and he was doing Exchange program to Germany. And so we saw each other the first time in my art class. MMM. After the art class we got yo know each other more. And we basically started to be really good friends, best friends all the time. After that we tried to keep in contact, but it's really hard, you know, like when there's such a distance between you to keep the friendship. But one and half years ago we started to talk again regularly. And through those conversations our love was built. Yeah, and now we're a couple.
Amanda: 02:56 Oh that's so nice to hear. Um, who would have thought that, you know, you know each other for a long time ago, but then he ended up being your fiance now. That's amazing. Yeah. That's amazing. Well, I have, I don't think I have congratulate you for your engagement. So congrats for, you know, having gone through it all and make it work. Um, in fact we will talk more about how to make your long distance relationship work. I hope that you can share more about it to our fellow LDR couples in the community. But for now, let's start with the basics. So you've been going through it all. You've been, you've known each other for so long. I know you've been in a relationship long distance relationship for more than one year. So what do you think are the best things about being in a long distance relationship,
Jacqui: 04:13 MMM, I think that in long distance relationship, you can't hang out with each other all the time that you still have your own life, you are still an individual person because you don't want to like grow apart. And also different cultures. It is so much fun. I can practice my English with him, he can practice his German. It's very interesting to share each other's cultures.
Amanda: 04:56 Actually, to be honest, I think your answers are very genuine and it's very positive, I love hearing that. Because, you know, we have all seen it like how people sometimes get discouraged about their LDR, you know, being sad and lonely because they can't, they can't meet their partner. But you're so positive about it and I love hearing it. Thank you for sharing.
Amanda: 05:38 Yes. Yes, that's right. That's right. I guess that's maybe one of the, um, one of the secret of your success. So what made you stick together despite the distance, I know we've talked about the positivity, the things that you love in your relationship, but if you can sum up little bit for our listeners, what do you think made you stick together? Despite being separated for so long?
Jacqui: 06:08 I think our friendship, even in times where we weren't a couple, we were always connected. I feel like that is definitely the reason why. I think our love is what makes us stick together, but also our future, we have the plan for our life together. That's what really helps you when you have a plan, even if it's just the next meeting or now coming together. Sticking together. Yeah.
Amanda: 07:06 Well I agree with you. Can't agree more. That's um, love is very important after, at the end of the day it, it'll be live that stick us together with our partners. Right?
Jacqui: 07:21 Yeah, that's true.
Amanda: 07:23 So, um, I know we talked about the best things, the glue that sticks it all together, but if you can tell me in one sentence, what is the biggest reason for the success of your long distance relationship?
Jacqui: 07:43 Um, so I think the biggest reason for our success for our long distance relationship is our friendship and also the trust in each other and in this relationship.
Amanda: 08:01 Oh, okay. Well, um, can you tell me more about it? Because see, I'm interested to hear more about this because unfortunately not many LDR couples, um, can start with a friendship like yours, right? Sometimes they just know each other, maybe two weeks, two months, and then they decided to, um, to be in the long distance relationship. But in your case, it's a little bit different. And so what can you share to our listeners about it? Hope that they can learn from you and you know, have a successful LDR as well.
Jacqui: 08:40 Um, the most important part is to be into this a hundred percent, both of you and I mean, of course we've known each other for years, so we all know and can easily understand how the other person is feeling or acting. But if you're still getting to know each other, you should like, yeah, focus on that. Like get to know each other and how the other person is feeling and be very sensitive about it I think. And yeah, like give you like a plan, where do you want to go with this, with this whole relationship. And I think, um, what also helped us is really planning our trips and meet ups and even the effort that we put into our relationship like working and saving up money for the next flight, talking regularly is so important. Um, I think both need to be into this thing a hundred per cent or otherwise it won't really work out well.
Amanda: 09:52 Makes Sense. That makes sense. So make sure that you are, if you're listening to this and you're in a long distance relationship, please make sure that you are both 100% in this. Yeah. So you also, okay, you also mentioned about, you'd think that it's important for the success factor of your long distance relationship. Um, and we'll know that issues is a major thing in this whole community. Um, it can be a reason for success. It also can be a reason of an unsuccessful relationship. So what is your experience with trust and do you have any trust issues? How have you overcome it?
Jacqui: 10:44 It can be really hard because you never know what the other person is doing cause you're not there. So was the other person of course. Yeah trust I think is the most important part of a relationship, no matter if it's long distance or not, you have to trust your partner. Otherwise we will suffer all the time. By worrying, scared, anxious or even like getting super jealous, sometimes really hard to control those feelings when you're apart. Uh, what make me overcome those issues is, In my case, my best friend shows me instead of the girl, in the city on his country, he chose me. So why would he do this and put all this effort into this, When, when he would cheat or lie to me, that just doesn't make any sense to me. So he chose me over the distance and this has me to maybe relax a little bit and be like, okay, it's, he's not doing anything and you can trust him.
Amanda: 12:11 Oh, that's great. Yeah. That's lovely. Yeah, you are right, you are definitely right. So, um, I guess at the end of the day, if you're hundred percent in this relationship, so it just doesn't make any sense after all that we've been through all the efforts and then why would you still care to be jealous, whatever, whoever person, other person that, you know, lives in, in his place or in your place. Because at the end of the day, you both chose, you chose each other despite the distance, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's great to hear. And I think that's, that will be very helpful because to be honest, I didn't think of that when you, um, when you answered it and I was like hearing your answer, I was like, oh, that makes real sense. I mean it's very, it will be very helpful for the LDR community I think, so thank you. Okay. You have been sharing about your, um, long distance relationship in your blog through which we will talk about in a bit. So I read, I recently read one of your posts about, uh, rules for a long distance relationship. So, you know, that's why we're here to talk about it more and you can, I mean, you can if you want to, you can talk about it later. Yeah. But I'm interested in one particular tips. So, um, I will give out the link later so that our listeners can read it for themselves. But you said that it's important to fight the distance. So I'm, what does it mean? Can you tell me more about it?
Jacqui: 14:05 Sure. MMM. I think the most important things is everybody has their own thing about fighting the distance. But for me it's like keeping in touch, keeping in contact, like have phone calls regularly, maybe Facetime if possible. MMM. Me and my fiance, we set up dates for example, Saturday night and we watch a movie together. So we sit there, we both like open up Netflix, choose a movie and then countdown three, two, one and start simultaneously at the same time, the movie. So we basically pretend to be together and we have like something to talk about, something that we share. So there's like not like something that feels a little bit normal to you, that's how we fight the distance. And of course, putting an end to the distance distance. So, um, I personally think a long distance relationship is not made for forever, to last for forever. So because living in a, in an LDR considers a lot of suffering, like missing each other and desire for each other. And as patiently when you've just met, like every time when I had to leave Tanner again, it's like such a bad break up just without losing the partner. And I think you can go on and do that forever because it's just too much separation for both you and your relationship with your partner, who lives in different countries. So you have to fight the distance, whether or not you come to your partner or your partner comes to you or you go somewhere new together. Um, but yeah, I know that these decisions are hard and it's not easy to take steps like that, but, um, I think that's what fighting the distance means. Like, of course in little things like little dates and maybe playing a game together on the phone or computer computer and also like a big thing and coming together and planning a life together.
Amanda: 16:30 So basically it's all about trying to make it work, trying to find ways to still enjoy the things that couples would enjoy. But despite the distance, despite not being physically together with each other. Right. I love what the, the, the last bit, have a plan for your future, that's interesting, right. At the end of the day, it's something that we can hold on to, you know, Yeah. That's so nice. So, um, I'm, I'm so glad to hear about your stories. I think it will be very beneficial for other LDS couples out there. So now that you're here, you've, um, you've had, you are here at the end of your relationship because you are about to start a life together. So, um, any advice, before we close this discussion? any advice that we can share with LDR couples in the community?
Jacqui: 17:45 Of course, as I already said, figuring out the plan, how to end the distance is really important. Don't give up and don't forget that he misses you just as much as you miss him. Don't give up give each other your love, if it's the right person it's totally worth it. And also take it seriously because someone's on the other side of the world, they are dedicating their lives to you. So you shouldn't joke around with it. Cause if you're not being serious about it, you are wasting everybody's time and end up hurting someone else real fast. So that's also important to keep in mind that this is not like some fun, this is like, you know, people are taking it seriously.
Amanda: 18:54 Well you're right. So, um, thank you so much Jacqui for the tips for... basically if it's been a pleasure hearing your stories, but before we go can connect with you. We mentioned about your blog but I haven't given them the link yet. So this is your time, you know, they let them know where they can find you in social media and the online world.
Jacqui: 19:28 I just started my blog so there are not many entries, but I'm also writing about traveling, in general lifestyle content. It's https://mermaidery.blog. On Instagram it's unusual_mermaid. Yeah, you can of course write me any questions. And if you have any questions or just want to talk, I would love that.
Amanda: 20:09 So, so I'm going to repeat one more time. Her blog, Jacqui's blog is Mermaidery.blog And she is also on Instagram, at unusual_mermaid. So feel free to connect with her and share stories. So it's been a pleasure Jacqui and I wish you the best for your remaining long distance relationship and most importantly for your new life that will soon happen with your husband. I wish you all the best. Be happy, stay positive and it's been such a pleasure talking to you. So we'll end this podcast for now, but of course, like I mentioned before, feel free to connect, um, through her blog and social media. So, thank you, Jacqui. Bye. Bye.