5 Simple Ideas for Long-Distance BDSM Relationship to Work

It takes a lot to maintain a successful relationship, especially for couples who are in long-distance arrangements. This can be especially challenging for BDSM relationships. In LDRs, there are many things to consider: time, attention, responsibility, and so forth. You may also be unsure of whether you are giving your partner enough love and how to express those emotions from a distance. Differences in time zones and daily schedules can make it really difficult.

Budget pick
Lola
4.5
$57

Lola is my favorite wearable insertable remote control egg vibrator that delivers minor vibrations to the clitoris, for anyone who wants to take their public play to the next level.


It is designed to stimulate your G-Spot and the clitoris. You can share it with a partner across the country or across the room via the smartphone app.


You can control the vibration frequency of Lola with ease as it is extremely quiet, making it ideal for anyone trying it out in public.

Pros:
  • Can be controlled remotely and shared with a partner.
  • Has customizable vibration frequency.
  • Strong vibrations, waterproof and made from body-safe materials.
  • Free discreet shipping is included.
  • Extremely quiet - perfect for discreet play in public.
Cons:
  • May not accommodate all vaginal canal sizes comfortably.
  • Lola tail produces minor vibrations. Get the DuoWave if you want dual stimulation
  • Charging time takes 2 hours.
We earn a small commission if you make a purchase, at no additional cost to you.

Despite these obstacles, it is possible to have a healthy and flourishing relationship. The key is to be open to trying different things to help the relationship grow.

The good news is you don’t have to do it alone. Not only do you have your partner, but you can also rely on these tips that we’re going to share with you.

Here are five simple ideas you can try for your long-distance BDSM play to work.

Who’s who in your long-distance BDSM relationship?

BDSM long distance is more like a play in the real world where one or both live out his/her or a different character. Characters being dominant, submissive, sadist, masochist. However, we’ll focus on submissive and dominants.

Who is the submisssive partner?

When we say submissive, we are referring to someone who has the characteristic of being willing to submit to your partner.

But it does not mean that you were under your partner, nor that you love your partner more. Each one of But it does not mean that you are under your partner, nor that you love the other person more. Each person of us has a unique personality. You, as a sub, show your love by allowing people to love you.

What’s the goal?

The fundamental goal of a submissive partner in a relationship is to offer your sub-partners a healthy submissive relationship. So, if you are Dom (dominant) in a relationship, you should ask for your sub-partners consent.

Communication: Dom or Sub

Still, communication will be a great tool. Dom or sub, you must keep on talking ideas out. This shows that you respect your partner even if they are submissive to you.

Who is the dominant partner?

On the other hand, if you are dominant in the relationship, you are goal-oriented, attentive, and decisive in everything you do, and you carried that attitude in your relationship.

From the point of view of other people, you may appear to be controlling or impatient. But your partner will likely recognize that it is your normal course. You want everything to go your way so that you can make a decision and proceed. However, communication of a certain amount must be maintained.

Examples of Doms

Dom includes a person who likes to feel free and control masturbation sessions or orders their sub to do things with their body. If you like to order your partner to send you photos or videos, naughty phone calls, you are a dom. Also, dom tends to ask the other person to wear clothes or app controlled sex toys to kink things up or simply writing things for your long distance play.

Trust in BDSM

Like how relationships are and LDRs, BDSM requires trust. BDSM long distance involves activities that might require a lot to one or another.

Submissive Person

If you are a submissive person, you trust your dom so much. You trust them that much. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Dominant Partner

If you are a dom, You know your sub-partners trust you. Trust includes trust in controlling your relationship and the body. That’s why you have to be responsible for taking leads.

Example, you find yourself dominating your subordinate partner in bed using butt plug or make her wear nipple clamps or making her hold those orgasms or simply touch the body. As such, it’s the most incredible thing you can do for your partner if they are submissive.

Trust: Dom or Sub

If you want to make your BDSM long distance relationship work, both must acknowledge themselves and the trust entrusted to them. You must acknowledge who you are in the relationship.

Also, you must respect your partner’s personality and your differences before doing the ideas I included for you in the next paragraph.

The following list of activities includes both sexy stuff like masturbating together and asking for permission to orgasm. There are also non-sexual activities that can help you feel closer to your partner by being just a click away. Let’s kick in with:

1. Always Update Your Dom/Sub Partner

First thing first, even if your sub or dom, you should always update your partner by informing them how your day goes.

How?

Write them a good morning and good night message or a video that says “Good morning. I’ll be busy today because I’ll be doing this and that” In that way, your partner will not be worried about you all day. Also, a quick phone call or video call will be a good idea. It will assure them.

Although it is also advisable for long distance couples to give a certain period for phone calls or any means of communication on a daily basis to their partner.

I understand that if you may say, “oh, that’s easy peasy,” but, believe me, things happen. If you are in a long distance BDSM relationship for so long, there are times that communication will be hard because of your busy schedule. And that will become the beginning of your quarrel, and we don’t want that to happen.

Remember

Since you are in a long distance relationship, you have different lives and different time zones, it is understandable that sometimes, you can’t be responsive all the time since you don’t have to stick with your phone every minute/hour to make your partner secure.

Every day, all it takes is less than one minute to keep your partner updated. Writing down a few words could save you both from issues. You will find that your relationship with your partner will be much easier if you do this.

2. Make Use of Today’s Technology

Nowadays, everything is possible. You can buy, see, and go to different places using the internet. You might probably know many sites or apps online, such as Messenger, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Skype, What’s App, etc.

Simply by just one click, you would see what your partner has been doing, their face, and their voice. That is why this generation is called the Instant Generation, as we have the whole world at our fingertips.

With this advantage, we could save your long distance relationship by installing the Apps you and your partner agreed on to kink things up.

As opposed to the older generation, if you are in a long-distance relationship, you may be required to write a love letter. A love letter would take a long time to be received by your partner.

However, in today’s generation, it’s simpler to make it work. These days, you and your partner should just be committed to each other. Because long distance, even though there are many possible ways to connect, there are also many ways to keep you distracted.

Therefore, you have to decide which apps you and your partner should be using and be honest. And if there are other distractions that you both encounter, talk about them.

3. Engage in Virtual Sex Using Remote Control Vibrator

In that way, you could make your dominant partner be in charge of your long-distance BDSM relationship. You can feel the connection with your partner as if you are actually making love to them using a virtual sexting setup.

What are the app controlled sex toys that are suitable for long-distance BDSM relationships? Well, the kinky community offers many options you should consider in picking one. Some vibrators can stimulate your g-spot and c-spot, automatic masturbators, and **long-distance** couple sex toys that send your movement to one another.

Suppose you are looking for the kind of remote control vibrator that has different features such as sending your vibrations, g-spot, c-spot stimulation. You can find that in my previous posts.

Monster Pub

One that I would recommend is using Monster Pub. You just have to put this vibrator in your pants simply, and your dominant partner will control it for you from a distance.

Good Value
Monster Pub
4.3
$39.95

Monster Pub Bluetooth Vibrator Long Range Monster Pub Vibrator is specially designed for the modern woman. With health and wellness at the top of the brand’s list, this toy is for personal use and for couples. Intimacy is a personal thing and it's important to learn how to be intimate with yourself and with others — and it starts here with the Monster Pub Vibrator.

Pros:
  • Looks appealing.
  • Price is reasonable.
  • Kegel exercise features are included.
Cons:
  • Connectivity issues.
We earn a commission if you make a purchase, at no additional cost to you.

I love this Monster Pub because it could also be beneficial when you are into Kegel Exercise. It’s like having four powerful features in one vibration. If you would like to know more about Monster Pub, you may check it out here.

Trust me. Your dominant partner would love to use it for you because it is perfect for discreet public play, and it will tease you dearly. Plus, it has a 30db whisper-quiet vibrator so that no one would hear about your naughty little game you in.

Click here to Learn More about Monster Pub

Kiirroo Keon and Feel Stroker

If you’re dominant and want automatic masturbators, I recommend you use Kiiroo Keon and Feel Stroker. It will allow you to enjoy automated 230 strokes per minute and 9 Vibration Levels with 3 Contraction Settings.

Our Pick
Keon & Feel
4.5
$249

The KEON automatic masturbator allows you to live out your wildest fantasies in real time. It’s the smartest automatic masturbator on the market today, with its innovative design enclosed in a small and compact housing. The handle's ergonomic shape and intuitive controls help optimize your experience in limitless ways. All you have to do is let KEON unleash your limitless fantasies.

Pros:
  • Easy to clean.
  • Realistic sensation and hands free option.
  • 2 different modes and 4 different speeds.
Cons:
  • Can be expensive.
  • Somewhat heavy.
We earn a commission if you make a purchase, at no additional cost to you.

Certainly, your partner would love to get this, especially that it has a real-life touch with its vaginal-feel sleeves. You would probably say bye to your manual type of masturbator with this Kiiroo Keon and Feel Stroker.

Click here to Learn More about Kiirroo Keon and Feel Stroker

Max 2 and Nora

And lastly, for the other type of vibrator, if you want to have sex with your partner virtually, like doing it simultaneously, I recommend you use the Max 2 and Nora couple sex toys. Simply because every time you control the vibrator of Nora, it will send an automatic sensation to your Max 2.

Our Pick
Lovense Max 2 and Nora
4.5
$210

Lovense Nora, the original Bluetooth-enabled rabbit vibrator, invites you to explore the realm of pleasure and sensation. The Lovense app on your phone may be used to operate the device, which has an inventive design that rotates to stimulate your G-spot. This can be used together with Lovense Max 2 to transform your sexual experience.

Pros:
  • Max 2 has a long battery life.
  • Max 2 is suitable for all sizes.
  • Can change the pace with the push of a button.
  • Wireless connection perfect for long-distance lovers.
Cons:
  • Max 2 is noisy.
  • Nora does not come with a storage bag.
  • Max 2 vibrations are not as strong as they could be.
  • The Nora handle can be difficult to grip with lubed hands.
We earn a commission if you make a purchase, at no additional cost to you.

I couldn’t stress it more aside from that. You would receive the stimulation and movement that your partner is getting, passing it through you.

Regardless of which vibration you choose, I can assure you that all can be controlled via Remote Control, Apps, or Bluetooth. Therefore it could help you to reach orgasm as if you are having sex with your partner. It is already proven and tested that it would lessen your longing for each other the way beyond your expectations.

Click here to Learn More about Lovense Max and Nora

4. Set up a Surprise Role-Playing Activity with your Partner

Every once in a while, having a virtual role-play with your partner can add spice to your long-distance BDSM relationship. However, as long as you both discuss what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do before proceeding with the role-playing activity at night, you can make a good laid all of it.

How to do a role play?

You and your partner must decide which character from the movie you are aiming to achieve. Also, You can have rewards or punishments when doing this play. You can either play a submissive-master just like Christian Gray and Anastacia in Fifty Shades of Gray, a vampire scenario like Bella and Edward in Twilight Saga Series, a princess-prince, teacher-student, etc.

During the activity, I believe it is essential to understand what each of you hopes to gain. And to accelerate things up, you can include using long distance sex toys, which we talked about in the upper part.

Believe me. Your partner would love this kind of role-play. However, in doing this, since you both discuss your limitations and the available role you want. You can now surprise your partner, but you have to choose a perfect date.

Keep the excitement!

Don’t do role-playing as if it’s part of your everyday routine. Instead, do it if you’re celebrating an anniversary or any momentous occasion. Also, incorporate a punishment and reward system. In that way, your partner has something to look forward to not just an event, but also a kinky reward.

Perhaps you could do it without prior notice, like surprising your partner to perform their imagination, dress up surprisingly before you hit the video call bottom. It will be fun to see your partner’s reaction, I swear.

5. Acknowledge Each Other Love Language: Follow/Give Commands

Just like any other physical relationship, a long-distance BDSM relationship is not excluded from knowing what your love language is. It is by far the most important thing you should acknowledge to make your relationship stronger.

Five love languages

There are five love languages you must consider, and each one has different kinds of following and command gestures, which is also suitable in long distance relationships to work.

The Words of Affirmation

The first one is The Words of Affirmation – This is where you need/want to hear positive and sweet talks from your partner. Or you are showing your support for each other through words.

For the follow and command gesture, you would message your partner every day saying, “Good morning beautiful. You can do it always, I believe you.” or any affirmative words that your partner likes.

The Act of Service

The second one is The Act of Service – This is where you need/want to give physical care to your partner, such as reminding your partner of small things, taking care of them virtually.

For the follow and command gesture, you will let your partner choose which dress you should wear, underwear, and partake in any decision-making task to help your partner.

Giving Gifts

The next is The Giving Gifts – This is where you need/want gifts to show your love to your partner—the kind of investment in your partner through the material things they like.

For the follow and command gesture, you are in the means of sending gifts and ordering food and delivering it to their address and or buying their favorite bags, shoes, dress, etc.

Quality Time

And then, The Quality Time – This is where you love spending time with your partner virtually. You may want to talk to them for hours for the follow and command gesture for hours, and your partner should also commit to spending time with you.

Physical Touch

Lastly, The Physical Touch – This is where you want to feel the presence of your partner. But since you were in a long-distance relationship. You want to do this with your partner together, like taking a bath, doing exercise, engaging in virtual sex, and watching your favorite movies together.

Love language important in long distance BDSM relationships

Having a piece of knowledge and acknowledging each love language will help you identify how you give commands as a dominant and follow orders as submissive.

For example, if your dominant partner’s love language is touch, you, as a submissive, should comply with their needs. That is your duty as your partner.

While if you’re submissive, and your love language gifts. Your dominant partner should know how to give an order or to please you that would suit your taste in things long distance bdsm, like giving you bags or your favorite shoes.

Because being in a relationship means knowing how to compromise each other’s differences and similarities—and doing things that are sufficient to express your love not just for you alone but also for your partner even if you’re in a long-distance BDSM relationship.

In whatever you do, always set time for everything. You should come up with a time with your partner to catch up every day if you both have busy schedules.

For example, you and your partner agree that you and your partner will have “baby time” for an hour a day to fill in the hours that your partner did not contact you the whole day.

In those hours, you have to put your attention on your partner to catch things up. Do the things that you both like doing and consider the ideas above, as long as you spend time with one another. Through this, I see no reason for your long-distance BDSM relationship to work.

We will be happy to hear your thoughts

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