Are you and your long-distance lover about to take that final step? Are you closing the gap? For good? Well, congratulations! You’ve made it! You’ve made it through the miles, the late-night texts, the mail packages, the too-short visits and the Skype dates. You did it. You’re finally going to close that gap and be able to see your significant other whenever you want. You’ll wake up next to them every morning from here on out.
I know the feeling. I know how exciting this time is. My long-distance boyfriend and I closed the gap exactly one year ago. We have had our ups and downs, for sure. Being in person for longer than a weeklong visit is definitely different. It’s no longer easy to ignore a text when you’re upset—because they’re now right there in front of you. It definitely takes some adjusting.
A lot of planning needs to go into a final move like this. There is excitement and butterflies, yes, but there also really needs to be some careful planning, and there are things to talk about and consider before moving for love. A lot of it is boring, but, hey, the devil is in the details!
I’m sure if you’re making this huge step, you know your S/O inside and out. But there may be some things you haven’t thought about that need to be addressed once you’re together. And it’s important to discuss these before the move rather than being surprised by some things after the ticket has been booked!
Assuming your S/O is moving to you, let’s dig into some of those areas!
You are probably familiar with your S/O’s religion. But what will they want to do in a new city? Will they want to go to a new church? Once a week or twice? Will they want to join a group there? Will you go with them? Do you share in that area of their life? If not, are you willing to go to church with them?
How soon after arriving will your long-distance love start looking for a job? Will they work part time or full time? What area will they want to work in? Will they have a long commute? If so, how are they getting there? By bus, or can you drop them off and pick them up? Will they get their own car? Will you need to work part or full time? Or will they make enough so you can stay home to study or babysit, etc.?
Where are the two of you going to live? An apartment or a house? Will you rent or buy? What’s your budget for rent or mortgage? For me, my parents let us live with them for six months while we saved money, worked and looked for a place. Would yours let you do that, too? Or do you need to move out immediately?
Do you have a checking and saving account? Will you add your S/O to yours, or will they get their own? Will you have joing savings account for emergencies? Who will handle the budget mostly? Who will figure out how much to spend on groceries and fun stuff?
Are you in school? Does your significant other want to go to school or transfer there? How will you afford college? How will you manage working and going to school and running a household?
Marriage and Kids
Are you already engaged? Do you plan on getting engaged soon? Is marriage even something you’ve talked about? Is marriage in the near future or do you (or your S/O) want to wait a few years? Would kids come quickly, or would you want to wait a couple of years? Or do you even want kids? Does your S/O? How would you afford kids, planned or not? Would religion be part of raising them? Would you agree to raise them with or without religion?
Do you have pets? Does your significant other? Are the pets coming on the move? Are you or they allergic to any existing pets? If no one has pets right now, do you want them? Does your S/O? A cat or a dog? Adoption or breeder? Puppy or adult? What breed? Who is going to do the walks? Who is going to do the grooming? Can you afford all the shots? Can you afford food, toys, supplies, training and medication? Inside pet or outside? Do you agree on how to raise a pet? Are you home enough, or will the pet be alone longer than four hours at a time?
Are you two already planning for the future? For example, if you’re going to rent an apartment at first, are you going to be saving up to buy a house? To buy a new car? Do you want to go on vacation? A local vacation or somewhere that takes air travel? Does one or you want to eventually live in a different state or move back to their original state? If a job comes up in another state, would you take it, and would your S/O follow? Does one of you want to start a business? Would your partner support that?
I know that’s a lot of questions, and there are going to be a ton more that pop up. And you may not think you need most of them answered. But, trust me, you do. And the sooner, the better. You don’t want to close the gap and three months later realize the two of you are in very different places in your lives or that one of you wants kids within a year and the other wants to wait at least five years. Being in an LDR usually means communication is on a really good level. So dig deep before this final move! That wayyou can know that one-way ticket is truly one way!
What are some things you’ve talked about before making your final move?