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Types of Guys You Should Never Bother Dating Long Distance

“His girl is moving to Italy? I don’t think it could work, man. It’s an LDR. It’s never gonna work out.”

I heard a friend I've known for a while say this recently, and it took a lot of patience to not have a violent reaction to it. I realized that he is just one of those guys who would never understand long-distance relationships. These are the guys you should never even dare to date long distance.

I’ve always been a supporter of long-distance dating, even when I am not in one. I find it really sad when people say something negative about LDRs. I’ve been in several long-distance relationships, and I can say that even though not all LDRs work out, many of them not only survive—they thrive.

You just have to take the time to get to know people first to see if you can date them long distance. If dating men who live far away is something you really like to do, or if you, like me, who believe that meeting the man of my life is not limited by distance, there are things you have to consider first.

long-distance-dating-surviveldr

You have to be very critical. Determine which kinds of men you should never bother dating long distance and which are worth having a relationship with.

I have probably dated three or four men who live on different sides of the world. Each relationship had its good sides and bad sides. But they are each the type of man I would never, ever bother dating again. Why? Let’s see what kinds of people they are.

The pessimistic one

This is the guy who would constantly think that it is never going to work out if you just stay in an LDR for a long time. He may tell you he really likes you, but he just does not see any future with you if you do not live in the same place at the same time.

The pessimistic one includes my friend who always says negative things about long-distance dating. Even when you try to help him understand, he won’t.

If you date a guy who always says negative things, then it would also probably make you feel bad all the time, and it would not make for a good long-distance relationship.

The unsure one

This guy really likes you, and he wants things to work out between the two of you, but he is just not sure about it. It is kind of difficult to deal with this kind of guy since his uncertainty will most definitely affect how you feel about your relationship.

The guy you date must be able to provide stability in your relationship. If he is unsure about what he wants, then you will also constantly worry about it. That is not something you would want in a long-distance relationship.

The one with no definite plans

When we get into any kinds of relationship, we, of course, hope that we could make future plans with the person we are with. We want to have something we can look forward to. If you are in an LDR, planning visits, thinking of things to do when you are apart and when you are together, and, of course, closing the distance are some of the important things we do. If someone you are trying to get into a relationship with does not have any definite plans and cannot give you any concrete details about what he wants to do in the future, then that will make long-distance dating very difficult.

The one-way-street one

This is the guy who won’t make any extra effort to please you or make you happy. Instead, this guy would probably always make things be a little bit more complicated and hard for you. I’d say no to this guy because no one deserves to be given tough love, especially if you are also doing your best to put in extra effort for him.

The hot-and-cold one

One day, this guy is all over you, sending you so many messages asking what you are doing just to get your attention. Then, the next day, he becomes quiet and a cold. Stay away from this guy.

The one who does not think communication is important

In a long-distance relationship, constant communication is the most important thing of all. You do not get to see each other every day, but it is a basic rule that if you want to get involved in each other’s lives, you have to make sure you can talk—no matter how busy you both are.

The one who does not get you involved in his life

When you are dating long distance, there are so many things you cannot do together, but with the help of modern technology, it is now possible to know what is going on with your partner. There are so many apps and programs you can use nowadays so you can defeat the constraints that distance impose on your relationship.

However, if you feel like this guy does not really want you to know everything that is going on with him, then he is not actually letting you into his life. How would you know what he likes and dislikes if he also restrains himself from telling you everything you want to know about?

The one who waits

You need a guy who will take charge and does not just wait for you to make the first move. You want him to be confident, to hold your hand and to guide you through things.

Two of the guys I dated long distance were actually my friends first. We lived and went to school together. Before our relationship turned into an LDR, we already knew each other too well. They weren’t the right fit for me to have an LDR with.

There are several qualities and characteristics that a guy you would dare to date long distance must have, and it is important that you are aware of these things. You have to be able to know if you are also willing to go against all odds and take the chance of getting in a relationship with them. Of course, you also have to give them the benefit of the doubt and try to see if you could both work things out. Loving someone requires understanding and patience, and you really need to try your best to love each other’s positive and negative sides.

What other types of men should you stay away from when getting into a long-distance relationship?

“His girl is moving to Italy? I don’t think it could work, man. It’s an LDR. It’s never gonna work out.”

I heard a friend I’ve known for a while say this recently, and it took a lot of patience to not have a violent reaction to it. I realized that he is just one of those guys who would never understand long-distance relationships. These are the guys you should never even dare to date long distance.

I’ve always been a supporter of long-distance dating, even when I am not in one. I find it really sad when people say something negative about LDRs. I’ve been in several long-distance relationships, and I can say that even though not all LDRs work out, many of them not only survive—they thrive.

You just have to take the time to get to know people first to see if you can date them long distance. If dating men who live far away is something you really like to do, or if you, like me, who believe that meeting the man of my life is not limited by distance, there are things you have to consider first.

long-distance-dating-surviveldr

You have to be very critical. Determine which kinds of men you should never bother dating long distance and which are worth having a relationship with.

I have probably dated three or four men who live on different sides of the world. Each relationship had its good sides and bad sides. But they are each the type of man I would never, ever bother dating again. Why? Let’s see what kinds of people they are.

The pessimistic one

This is the guy who would constantly think that it is never going to work out if you just stay in an LDR for a long time. He may tell you he really likes you, but he just does not see any future with you if you do not live in the same place at the same time.

The pessimistic one includes my friend who always says negative things about long-distance dating. Even when you try to help him understand, he won’t.

If you date a guy who always says negative things, then it would also probably make you feel bad all the time, and it would not make for a good long-distance relationship.

The unsure one

This guy really likes you, and he wants things to work out between the two of you, but he is just not sure about it. It is kind of difficult to deal with this kind of guy since his uncertainty will most definitely affect how you feel about your relationship.

The guy you date must be able to provide stability in your relationship. If he is unsure about what he wants, then you will also constantly worry about it. That is not something you would want in a long-distance relationship.

The one with no definite plans

When we get into any kinds of relationship, we, of course, hope that we could make future plans with the person we are with. We want to have something we can look forward to. If you are in an LDR, planning visits, thinking of things to do when you are apart and when you are together, and, of course, closing the distance are some of the important things we do. If someone you are trying to get into a relationship with does not have any definite plans and cannot give you any concrete details about what he wants to do in the future, then that will make long-distance dating very difficult.

The one-way-street one

This is the guy who won’t make any extra effort to please you or make you happy. Instead, this guy would probably always make things be a little bit more complicated and hard for you. I’d say no to this guy because no one deserves to be given tough love, especially if you are also doing your best to put in extra effort for him.

The hot-and-cold one

One day, this guy is all over you, sending you so many messages asking what you are doing just to get your attention. Then, the next day, he becomes quiet and a cold. Stay away from this guy.

The one who does not think communication is important

In a long-distance relationship, constant communication is the most important thing of all. You do not get to see each other every day, but it is a basic rule that if you want to get involved in each other’s lives, you have to make sure you can talk—no matter how busy you both are.

The one who does not get you involved in his life

When you are dating long distance, there are so many things you cannot do together, but with the help of modern technology, it is now possible to know what is going on with your partner. There are so many apps and programs you can use nowadays so you can defeat the constraints that distance impose on your relationship.

However, if you feel like this guy does not really want you to know everything that is going on with him, then he is not actually letting you into his life. How would you know what he likes and dislikes if he also restrains himself from telling you everything you want to know about?

The one who waits

You need a guy who will take charge and does not just wait for you to make the first move. You want him to be confident, to hold your hand and to guide you through things.

Two of the guys I dated long distance were actually my friends first. We lived and went to school together. Before our relationship turned into an LDR, we already knew each other too well. They weren’t the right fit for me to have an LDR with.

There are several qualities and characteristics that a guy you would dare to date long distance must have, and it is important that you are aware of these things. You have to be able to know if you are also willing to go against all odds and take the chance of getting in a relationship with them. Of course, you also have to give them the benefit of the doubt and try to see if you could both work things out. Loving someone requires understanding and patience, and you really need to try your best to love each other’s positive and negative sides.

What Guys Want in a Long Distance Relationship: Insights and Expectations

As someone who’s been in a long-distance relationship for quite some time now, I can tell you that it’s not always easy. There are moments of doubt, loneliness, and frustration, but there are also moments of immense joy, love, and connection.

As I navigated the ups and downs of this unique relationship, I often found myself wondering, “What do guys really want in a long-distance relationship?” It’s a question that has no one-size-fits-all answer, as each person’s desires and needs vary, but I’ve come to realize that there are some common themes and essential aspects that many men seek in such relationships.

In this article, I’ll share my personal experiences and insights into what guys want in a long-distance relationship. Whether you’re currently in a long-distance relationship or considering one, I hope this article provides you with valuable guidance and perspective.

Understand What Guys Want in a Long-Distance Relationship

Through this journey, I’m excited to share my insights with you.

Communication Is Key

The foundation of any successful long-distance relationship is communication. It’s the lifeline that keeps the connection alive. Guys want their partners to make an effort to stay in touch regularly. Whether it’s through texts, calls, video chats, or even snail mail, the effort to communicate matters. Knowing that our significant other is thinking about us and making the time to reach out goes a long way in building trust and intimacy.

Trust and Transparency

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, but it becomes even more critical in a long-distance one. Guys want to know that they can trust their partner completely. This trust is built on transparency. It’s essential to be honest about your feelings, your experiences, and even your insecurities. Being open and vulnerable with each other can help strengthen the bond and make us feel closer, despite the physical distance.

Quality Time, Even from Afar

Just because we can’t be physically present with our partner doesn’t mean we can’t spend quality time together. Guys value shared experiences and meaningful conversations. Plan virtual dates, watch a movie simultaneously, or play online games together. These activities can create memorable moments that make the distance seem less daunting.

Support and Encouragement

In a long-distance relationship, support and encouragement are invaluable. Guys want to know that their partner believes in them and their dreams. Being each other’s biggest cheerleaders can boost confidence and make the challenges of distance seem more manageable. When times get tough, knowing that someone is there to listen, offer advice, and provide emotional support can make all the difference.

Surprise Gestures

Surprises are the spice of life, and they can add excitement to a long-distance relationship. Guys appreciate the effort it takes to send a surprise care package, a heartfelt letter, or even a surprise visit if circumstances allow. These gestures remind us that we’re loved and valued, even when miles apart.

Future Plans

Discussing the future is essential in any relationship, but it takes on added significance in a long-distance one. Guys want to know that there’s a plan for eventually closing the distance. Whether it’s through talks about when and how you’ll be together or working towards common goals, having a shared vision for the future helps keep the relationship strong.

Patience and Understanding

Long-distance relationships often come with their fair share of challenges and uncertainties. Guys want their partners to be patient and understanding during difficult times. Whether it’s due to time zone differences, conflicting schedules, or unexpected obstacles, knowing that our partner is willing to weather the storms with us means the world.

Security

Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. Guys want to feel secure in the knowledge that their partner is committed to the relationship and can be relied upon. It’s essential for both partners to trust each other fully.

Emotional Support

In a long-distance relationship, emotional support becomes even more critical. Guys want a partner who listens, understands their feelings, and provides comfort during tough times. Being emotionally available is essential for a strong connection.

Advantages

Effective Communication: One of the key things guys want in a long-distance relationship is effective communication. They appreciate honesty, transparency, and regular updates about your life. When you understand this, you can establish open lines of communication that foster trust and intimacy.

Quality Time: Knowing that guys value quality time, even if it’s virtual, can help you plan meaningful interactions. Whether it’s a virtual date night, watching a movie together, or just chatting, prioritizing quality time can help bridge the physical gap.

Trust and Reassurance: Guys want reassurance in a long-distance relationship. Knowing this, you can make an effort to reassure your partner of your commitment and love. Small gestures like sending surprise messages or planning visits can go a long way in building trust.

Independence and Support: It’s important to understand that guys in long-distance relationships also value independence. They want their partners to pursue their own goals and interests. By allowing each other space to grow individually, you can strengthen the foundation of your relationship.

Disadvantages

High Expectations: Seeking a deep emotional connection and shared goals can sometimes lead to high expectations, which can put pressure on both partners. If these expectations aren’t met, it can result in disappointment and frustration.

Trust Issues: While trust is crucial, it can also be challenging to maintain in a long-distance relationship. Doubts and insecurities may still arise, leading to jealousy or anxiety if not managed properly.

Communication Challenges: Effective communication is essential, but it can be difficult to achieve, especially across different time zones or when facing technical difficulties. Misunderstandings may occur, causing stress and tension.

Loneliness: Valuing quality time together can sometimes highlight the loneliness of a long-distance relationship. It can be emotionally taxing to miss out on physical presence and everyday experiences.

Dependency on Technology: Long-distance relationships heavily rely on technology for communication, and this can sometimes feel impersonal. Overreliance on screens may lead to a sense of disconnection from the real world.

How do guys cope with the loneliness of a long-distance relationship

Loneliness is a common challenge in long-distance relationships. Here’s how guys can cope:

Establish a Support System: Lean on friends and family for emotional support during lonely times.

Stay Busy: Engaging in hobbies, sports, or pursuing personal goals can help fill the void and keep one’s mind occupied.

Create a Routine: Establish a daily routine that includes time for self-care, exercise, and social interaction.

Plan Visits: Knowing when the next visit is can provide something to look forward to and ease feelings of loneliness.

Talk About Feelings: Share your feelings of loneliness with your partner. They might be feeling the same way, and talking about it can bring you closer.

Final Say

What guys want in a long-distance relationship is not drastically different from what anyone wants in any relationship: love, trust, communication, and intimacy. While the physical distance can pose challenges, it can also strengthen the bond between two people who are truly committed to each other. My own experiences have taught me that a successful long-distance relationship requires effort, patience, and a willingness to adapt.

In the end, whether you’re a guy or a girl, success in a long-distance relationship depends on both partners being on the same page, having realistic expectations, and continuously working on nurturing the connection. If you find yourself in such a relationship or considering one, remember that it’s not about the miles that separate you, but the depth of your love and commitment that will keep you together.

13 Comments
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  13. Hey Diana,
    Great article, helped me to understand an OkCupid flirty-but-still-just-friends relationship I had a few years back with a guy from Australia. We Skyped once, and he kind of pulled back. I guess kind of part realizing the distance and part realizing the potential lack of chemistry? Or it was my Chicago accent and personality haha. We’re still friends on Facebook and it’s rly nice to still see him post stuff sometimes (which is often activist artsy stuff which i mean that’s why i liked him !).
    I think I can get involved with a new guy who I saw works in my field but lives in LA. I found his Insta, but he’s kind of higher up in the field I’m in. We haven’t met at all, so it would be a jump into the deep end. Thoughts on messaging him first? Any advice on how to word the first message?
    Cheers!
    Becca

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