There’s an expression that practice makes perfect and I can’t help to think how it is very relatable to my long-distance relationship history. My current relationship is not the first one with distance involved. Previously I had a failed long-distance relationship, and to be honest, I was afraid to start another long-distance relationship again when I met my man. But I took some time to reflect and finally found out why my previous long-distance relationship failed. Here are the 5 main reasons.

1. There is unequal commitment

Like it or not, a relationship means commitment. The moment you agree to be in a relationship with someone means you also agree to be committed to that person. Being committed not only means that you are faithful and loyal to each other, but it also means that both of you are willing to do the extra mile to make your relationship work.

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Like every other relationship, it is very important to have a mutual commitment; otherwise, it simply won’t work. Unfortunately, I had to learn this the hard way as it happened during my past long distance relationship. We started off on the same page but along the way, one of us decided to be less committed to the other and stopped going the extra mile to make it work.

Now, don’t be discouraged if it happens to you. I know it is very unfortunate if you find out that your partner doesn’t have the same commitment as you do, but don’t you think it is better than being in an unequal relationship?

2. Communication issues

Nowadays, there are many alternatives that long-distance couples can choose as a method of communication, thanks to the internet. Surely it is a lot of easier to maintain communication in modern-day, long-distance relationships than how it used to be when the internet is not as advanced. To me, the key to a successful relationship is good communication. However, even with advanced technology, we still can’t avoid miscommunication or other communication issues. There’s no other way to say it, but sometimes the best communication is the one which happened face to face, offline.

Thus, it is important to maintain a good communication routine and always be mindful of each other when you are talking, especially when discussing something important. This way, you can avoid facing communication issues and hopefully avoid to face a sinking ship for your relationship.

3. No mutual goal

I personally believe that there is no need to maintain a long-distance relationship if the end is not in sight. It does not have to be close, but at least both of us need to have the same goal. Previously, I realized that my ex-partner and I did not have a mutual goal. We wanted different things in life, so it was only normal that we often faced conflict. We were both trying to guard our own goals instead of working together to achieve our common goal.

If you are still in the early stage of your long-distance relationship, I would suggest to take some time and start to think of a common goal as early as possible. That way, you’ll have something worth fighting for and it will make you stronger.

4. Growing apart

When my previous relationship started to fall apart, my overthinking self was busy looking for what went wrong. I tried to analyze our relationship in hope to fix things and make it better. Then I realized that nothing was actually wrong with our relationship. What happened was that we grew apart from each other.

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At that time both my ex-partner and I were quite young, we were fresh out of college and were starting to build our careers. He got transferred to another town and I had to move to another country. While we were living our new lives, it turned out that our new environment had changed us and made us want different things in life. My dreams and goals changed, and so did his. It was hard to compromise and suddenly I realized, he was not the man I want to spend the rest of my life with anymore.

5. Not meant to be

Last but not least, sometimes there is no other reason left to explain why long-distance relationships fail, except that they are not meant to be. Yes, it may be that simple. It may take some time for you to grasp and accept the fact that you two are not meant to be, but after you are able to accept it, you will realize that it is much better to get out of a relationship that is not meant to be than to stay and dwell in uncertainty and stress.

Being in a relationship can sometimes be stressful, let alone being in a long-distance relationship, so it’s good to have clarity and certainty so you can switch your focus to the more important things in your relationship.

 

What do you think of those reasons? I hope that we can all learn from our past experiences and be better in our own relationships. Good luck, my fellow LDR couples!

Written by Christa Juwita
Christa is in a long-distance relationship with an amazing man she met during an extraordinary holiday. Unlike many holiday flings, this one gets better each day, and they are now preparing to close the distance. She lives in Indonesia, working 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and managing her personal blog. Read her stories about life (including some LDR stories) at her website, christabercerita.com.

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